A Fanfiction from an Unfortunate Generation
by gallyg
Summary: Hank and John Green do unbrotherly things to each other. This was only written so that it could exist.


"John, I'll see you when I turn off the camera."

Hank turned off the camera and rotated his chair to face John, who was facing left and slightly away from his brother. Hank laughed, "What are you doing?"

John let out a chuckle and replied, "I feel awkward letting you see my right cheek now."

Hank got up and went to close the door, which hadn't shut all the way before and had slowly crept open. As he walked back to his chair, he caught a small peek of John's right cheek again. John noticed Hank staring at him and turned again so he could only see the left side of his face. John said, a bit too loud and a bit too quickly, "So, you wanna play FIFA now, or what?"

"No, I don't really feel like setting all that up right now." Hank replied, slowly walking back to his chair as John slowly rotated his seat, careful to keep himself facing 45 degrees away from facing Hank.

Hank sat back down. "Oh," John started, "then I guess you should probably get started on your Hanklerfish. Hanklerfishes? What exactly is the plural of Hanklerfish?"

Hank stopped going after a look at his favorite part of John for a second and laughed. "I'm not really sure."

John relaxed a bit, too, sensing the conversation was picking back up again. "Well you made up the word, you decide!"

"Uh… I think I'll go with Hanklerfi."

"Hanklerfi?" John was now completely facing Hank.

"I feel like -i is an underused plural prefix…" Hank's voice was drifting a bit as his main focus started shifting back towards John's right cheek.

John didn't notice. "Well, I'm pretty sure -en is an even less frequently used suffix." For a moment, neither of them said anything. John added, "Then again, I guess 'Hanklerfishen' sounds a lot like 'Hanklerfishing'… which should totally be a thing!"

John rolled his chair back over to the camera and started raising his hand to turn on the camera, when suddenly Hank leapt out of his chair, grabber John's head, and licked that plump, beautiful cheek he'd been eying for the last few minutes.

John pushed Hank away, fell out of his chair, and took a few crawl steps back. "Hank, we're brothers!" John yelled.

"So?" Hank shouted back.

"Brothers should not act like this!"

"Why? Because that's what society tells us? We get on camera three times a week and tell people it's okay to disobey certain social rules!"

"Yeah… but… Hank. We're married. And not to each other, in case you haven't noticed!"

"Katherine and Sarah don't ever have to find out."

"They're in the house now!"

"And look!" Hank had a growing smile as his voice raised. "They haven't interrupted us yet! We're always making crazy noises and they never question anything about it!"

"…Hank…"

Hank's voice was quieter now. "John, we're always talking about the value of trying new things. This is new. We should try it. We owe it to Nerdfighteria to try this. We'd be hypocrites if we didn't."

"But-"

"Are you a hypocrite, John?" Hank cut John off loudly.

John hesitated for a moment. "No."

They ripped their clothes off and started passionately licking each other's cheeks.

They both got bored of it at the same time, decided between each other that that was kind of stupid, and went about their days.

**Well, that's it. I'd like to make it perfectly clear, I'm not usually this creepy. But when John mentioned fan fiction ( /-hankquestiontuesday ), I had to check to see if anyone had done this already. Nobody did, so I figured, "Why not?" Anyways, here's some writing notes:**

**You may notice that the grammar is decipherable. I decided to do this because the retarded fan fictions with bad grammar tend to become memes. I have not interest in that attention, and I'm pretty sure John and Hank don't want any of that kind of internet fame. (Then again, Humpy Hank…)**

**I also decided not to write out a sex scene because even though the thought of them doing it is vaguely in my head, I feel like putting enough thought into it to write it, pictures would form in my mind and scar me forever.**

**Best wishes, DFTBA, all that good stuff.**


End file.
